“One of the most powerful new rules of engagement in life is learning to ask instead of tell”
Life is too complex to think we always have the answer, and asking is a very important part of any learning process – that of learning from others. Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted as saying, “Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.” Aint that the truth! It took me until my 30’s to finally grow up enough to be capable of learning from others. Don’t you wait that long.
In order to learn from others, two things have to happen; you have to first be comfortable being the “newbie,” and second, you have to learn to ask. I grew up in and around Detroit, but in my 30’s took up trail riding on horseback. I now live on seventeen acres and over the last fifteen to twenty years have owned and stabled horses at home that my daughters learned to ride and show. Trust me, this city kid learned to ask – a lot. Likewise, I took up Sunday men’s basketball in my 30’s, and at forty-five started playing soccer two to three times a week. I have learned how to ask, and it’s the only way, to accelerate a learning process.
A mentor once made some very distinct observations around asking and learning from others. In fact, I’d like to provide the beginnings of a “lesson” for you, a lesson on learning, with a quote from a conversation that a mentor of mine had with my middle daughter Kelly:
“Kelly, do you know what I like so much about your dad? He’s not always trying to show me how good he is. My mom used to tell me, sit next to the smartest kid in class and you’ll learn the most. Everybody in the world knows something that you don’t, and if you learn to ask the right questions, they can teach you.”
What a heck of a lesson on asking:
- It’s OK to show what you don’t know
- Get close to the best
- Ask politely
- Pay attention
- Let go of fear and ego
The heart of the lesson is asking. Ask the right questions … ask politely … ask for help. And for me, asking – balancing empathy over ego – has been the foundation of every one of my life’s critical decisions (at least all the good ones). Asking takes only subordination of ego to empathy, it costs nothing and gives back so much. Asking unlocks the magic of learning from others and ignites the learning process.
So, let’s do something different – we can’t help but get better:
- Find the best – pick one or two people that you would like to learn from, and ask them if you might study their practice.
- Make it about them – subordinate your ego and just pay attention. Don’t discuss. Don’t judge. Learn.
-Don Brown
don@donbrown.org
Don Brown dedicates his career to ‘helping people with people’ in leadership, sales and customer service. Bilingual and experienced at the executive and line-level alike, you see the results of his work across dozens of industries, including brewing, automotive, airline, banking and medical equipment.
Speaking, writing, coaching and selling to the best – Ford Motor Company, Anheuser-Busch, United Airlines, Harley-Davidson, Jaguar Cars, Hilton Hotels and many, many more – Don takes great pride in long-standing customer relationships (some running well over twenty years).
